[28 Jan 2005|11:50pm]

There's nothing wrong that wasn't wrong before - Elliott Smith

Today I start the training for my temporary "promotion". I almost feel like not telling anyone when anything happens to me. That way there seems less risk for setting myself up for failure, at least in the eyes of others. Telling my parents and whomever else, they already assume that it's permanent, erasing all my maybe's and possibly's.

I feel so unessential. Replaceable.

I want to go home. I want a hug from my mom and I want to feel cared about and watched over.

My cat stands on a stack of sheet music to drink his water. It's raining and cold. The lightbulb is blown. My library books are overdue.

[04 Jan 2005|11:56pm]

this is a photograph of my aunt and my mom. mom is the younger one. i <3 my aunt's glasses muchly. i went through this large box of old photos when we were cleaning out my great grandmother's house this summer while preparing for a garage sale. found old ones of me and daniel, and old old ones of granny from her teenage years with her many hats and cloches.

work called and wants me in at 8am tomorrow. new floorset. downside - i hate floorsets. upside - i can wear jeans and i don't have to deal with customers.

jessi and i did 50 minutes of pilates tonight. my waist hurts. plus i scrubbed my face too hard this morning and my nose is raw. it felt nice and numb and swollen this morning and i liked it.

points of interest:
+ wired for books
+ the little prince online
+ sylvia plath and assia wevill - suicide ghosts

[04 Jan 2005|04:06pm]

new years post midnight conversation
about ghosts and kisses and infidelity.
the meaning of affairs. forgiveness.
jealousy. cravings.


there is a strange feeling that comes
with seperating your life. feeling
situations as unrelated to the other
when they are so alike.

[02 Jan 2005|11:57pm]

plane tickets purchased. leaving tuesday, january 11th from jackson to orlando. returning wednesday, january 19th.
today includes cleaning and daniel and jess return. need to take out trash, wash dishes, and anything else in the kitchen/living room area. vacuum maybe. dump the boiled chicken carcass that has been sitting on the stove all week. need to return library books.
i'm not scheduled to work much this week. lots of call ins. fine by me, i'm glad to see the holidays go by. paycheck this friday, should be the largest one yet. feels strange having what little money i do have in my bank account. i've grown used to living zero to zero.

getting my haircut this week. want to go shorter. jaw or chin length. probably chin. i kind of want color, but don't want to spend the $$. i want my highlights covered.

everything was lost from the past softspoken. writings, album index, etc. on to version 2.0.