[31 May 2005|11:46pm]

i just ordered this, and then i had to get this just for the free shipping. i can not validate paying $7 shipping when i could be getting something.

god, richard brautigan. sometimes beautiful and amazing and sometimes completely horrible and absurd. absurdly amazing. mostly amazing. i think the simplicity of his writing makes it border on what seems to be elementary and absurd, and sometimes is. but when he gets it, he gets it. one night i stayed up reading articles upon articles about him online and how strange he became in his final days, how his loss of fame weighed on him, and how he eventually isolated himself through his eccentricities till the end. he offed himself with a shot to the head and his body wasn't found until a month later. i will always love him for the abortion.

it's been raining since saturday. it's wet and humid and heavy. breathing's a chore. why is mention of the weather so abundant in human communication? remember reading through those stacks of postcards from the 50's - 80's and they all ask of the weather, how's the weather? today it rained. yesterday it was sunny. tomorrow will be cloudy. why is it so consistently important? (i like remembering times i stared at you when you were preoccupied. the side of your jaw, the golden hair on the back of your neck lit by sun through a window, the transition from tricep to elbow, the way your ankles fell into your shoes, the way you slid postcards through your fingers)

[26 May 2005|01:16am]

i've reached my goal weight and size. the more weight i lose the more i see that i need to lose. it's like the littler i get, the fatter i perceive myself to be.

let's not really get into it.

he's too pretty for me.

sometimes i get jealous. sometimes it's a problem.

every girl is prettier than me - this is how i always feel, always threatened, always competitive, always not good enough.

[07 May 2005|11:46pm]

yeah, ok.

i have on a tshirt, rudolph panties, and black mary janes. it makes no sense.

i have a paper to write for my brother and i haven't started. it is on something like "the formation, structure and function of the federal reserve system." actually it is on exactly that. i get $50 and internet resources are acceptable. i'll write it tomorrow night. or now, maybe now. yeah, now.

work makes me tired. caffeine makes me nervous. tomato and cream cheese wheat tortilla wraps are the new cucumbers parsley and sour cream.

[03 May 2005|11:47pm]

when i was shopping at the gap three german girls stood next to me as i flipped through the sale rack and one said to me "oh i love your hair" and they were all three tall and all three blonde and all three not so much beautiful as much as they were lithe which really made them all the more. in the dressing room i tried on a black dress while the boy attending the rooms flirted with the three tall lithe blonde german girls by asking them questions about "where are you from" and "what is it like there" to which they were terifficly dry and terifficly sarcastic in reply, making them even more so.

on the drive home i noticed the only thing more graceful than three tall german girls is a cropduster gliding and curling over its field.